I have stopped working full time as of now, 3 yrs ago. One of the things abt going to work same time as a few million people was dealing with the insane human jam at train stations. Cunningly I had avoided these unpleasant journeys in as much of my working life as possible, by taking the bus.
On the odd occasion I had to take the train as destinations wld be right by the station for example. Today is one such day.
Of course in the last few years the population taking the train has increased at least threefold and now the SMRT has offered free rides if you board trains between 6-7am or something like that. But the jams at peak hour still don't look eased up.
I reached Clementi station at 8.05 I think. And cldn't get into the first train that came. I was wondering how now, will I be late. I was annoyed that the woman in front of me hadn't pushed thru into the train and then later while we all waited, had stepped on my feet accidentally and didn't even bother saying sorry or acknowledging it. She had barely looked to see what she stepped on! I thought at least after a while she may realise but she didn't bother. Another woman opposite us also wanting to enter the same door had seen all this and I cld feel her glance on me trying to read my face. I restrained all kinds of impatient expressions on my face.
Miraculously within a minute the next train came. It was.... completely empty. This hardly happens. And best of all I got a seat... again something that hardly happens in morning peak hour. Getting the seat is especially a respite when you're having severe first day cramps.
As I sat down, a realisation dawned on me: It was a blessing to have missed the earlier packed-to-the-brim train. It was a blessing to have had a lady step on my toe so I reacted waiting for a 'sorry', and hence in hindsight could see I was meant to have patience given time for next train. It was a blessing to have an empty train so that I got a seat to sit on for the 45min journey. All my anxiety, frustration, quick reaction dissipated in that one moment of realisation.
I saw a bigger and higher wisdom hover around and above me. I would not have known of what's to come. So to surrender completely means to let go all the time for all moments. Do your part but don't have expectations. Easier said and easier understood but to practise it moment by moment needs practise and conscious action of 'not doing' (wu wei).
May we always continue to 'see' miracles in the mere everyday mundane acts we take for granted so we are always grateful. Rabbana barik lana.
14 May 2014
05 May 2014
1st Quarter 2014 Reflections
SubhanAllah.
Just as I typed the above, a huge branch naturally fell from the tree in the forest in front of my window. Every few months, a branch or two or four would stumble through the others below them and hit the heavily canopied forest floor with a soft thud. It's so gentle that none of the bird tweets are affected. I can hear a wood pecker forming the continuous background together with that tweet-tweet-tweet-tweet bird that frequents this part of the world in April. She and her clan usually stay for a couple of months. By June, they are replaced by other birds. The royalty though throughout the seasons, the common kingfisher, stays. And always on the same spot - atop the short mango tree in the foreground of my view. Then there are swallows and egrets, the occasional pigeons and the screeching mynahs. Saw a couple of long tailed macaques a few months ago on the railing that formally separates our residential area and the forest beyond. They were unfazed as always.
Anyway my 'subhanAllah' was in reference to the way events pan out in front of us and how we become mere spectators from being participants - in a flash. I had signed up to conduct 5 months' worth of training courses with the last one in May (which is now cancelled), and I did the last of it weekend before last.
This last one had a group size of ten. In giving examples to illustrate the connection of overseas volunteer work and life back at home, I had shared about how elderly folk are often seen in the void decks of apartment blocks among themselves. And how several working adults and students walk right past them as if they are invisible. everyone is in a hurry. Little does one realise that the security and infrastructure in our nation-building is contributed by these very same folk, who have worked hard and brought about what we are enjoying today. It's a common sight - the elderly in the void decks of blocks. And all younger abled residents just walking past them, usually not acknowledging them with even a smile or a nod.
It seemed i had the class in full attention. I thought i made an impact. I could see from their faces faint recollections of their own encounters or perhaps their own grandparents who are at void decks. But it was only a week later when i was walking back from the shops (as you may guess, through several void decks) that it hit me. Our youth are not 'made aware' of these things. There is no time for reflection. There is no time for moral ethical lessons of life. School is all about being computer literate and being on top of your class and work so you make it to the next phase. So perhaps those few seconds had created a reflection point for them as the entire course aims to do.
Parents are not at home when the student or child comes home from school. There's a helper sometimes who fixes the meals, cleans up the rooms and toilets. Maybe a pet or two. Maybe a grandparent if you're lucky for human interaction but that too is brushed off these days in the face of mobile phones as the newest weapons spelling: 'Leave me alone. I am busy.'
My training is satisfying because at the end of it, it's not a lesson in what you could have gotten from a set of notes. It's about valuing partnerships, human relationships, respecting another's past experiences (despite not knowing or in many cases, after knowing another person), about planning and being prepared for unexpected outcomes (lessons I myself had learnt from my Girl Guides days).
Trainings aside, this whole cloud of 'submission' has been hovering over me - it's not a new lesson but one that must be executed time and again for it to completely submerge me in its wisdom or to make sense from a heart level. Sometimes we are so sure of our spiritual practice that we forget the very core is to keep practising as if you're learning from ground Zero. I'm blessed to have Nature in front of me and reminding me. But our own fears and doubts make us 'lose' faith in the Unseen yet Promising One. We are doubtful based on what others say to us. We allow their fears to umbrella over us. When these fears get too big for us to handle, we break down and go crying to the One who creates and sustains us.
It is well known that humans will disappoint one another but the Creator will never abandon Its Creations. This is His responsibility. When crime is committed on a person, the reality is that this is a temporary abode and all unfairness in this life will see its fairness in the next. Because of its transitionary quality, we must not get too attached to its offings.
The Creator loves its creations more than a mother could care for her child. We unfortunately don't get this because our doubts and fears get in the way. Let Go and Let God.
Just as I typed the above, a huge branch naturally fell from the tree in the forest in front of my window. Every few months, a branch or two or four would stumble through the others below them and hit the heavily canopied forest floor with a soft thud. It's so gentle that none of the bird tweets are affected. I can hear a wood pecker forming the continuous background together with that tweet-tweet-tweet-tweet bird that frequents this part of the world in April. She and her clan usually stay for a couple of months. By June, they are replaced by other birds. The royalty though throughout the seasons, the common kingfisher, stays. And always on the same spot - atop the short mango tree in the foreground of my view. Then there are swallows and egrets, the occasional pigeons and the screeching mynahs. Saw a couple of long tailed macaques a few months ago on the railing that formally separates our residential area and the forest beyond. They were unfazed as always.
Anyway my 'subhanAllah' was in reference to the way events pan out in front of us and how we become mere spectators from being participants - in a flash. I had signed up to conduct 5 months' worth of training courses with the last one in May (which is now cancelled), and I did the last of it weekend before last.
This last one had a group size of ten. In giving examples to illustrate the connection of overseas volunteer work and life back at home, I had shared about how elderly folk are often seen in the void decks of apartment blocks among themselves. And how several working adults and students walk right past them as if they are invisible. everyone is in a hurry. Little does one realise that the security and infrastructure in our nation-building is contributed by these very same folk, who have worked hard and brought about what we are enjoying today. It's a common sight - the elderly in the void decks of blocks. And all younger abled residents just walking past them, usually not acknowledging them with even a smile or a nod.
It seemed i had the class in full attention. I thought i made an impact. I could see from their faces faint recollections of their own encounters or perhaps their own grandparents who are at void decks. But it was only a week later when i was walking back from the shops (as you may guess, through several void decks) that it hit me. Our youth are not 'made aware' of these things. There is no time for reflection. There is no time for moral ethical lessons of life. School is all about being computer literate and being on top of your class and work so you make it to the next phase. So perhaps those few seconds had created a reflection point for them as the entire course aims to do.
Parents are not at home when the student or child comes home from school. There's a helper sometimes who fixes the meals, cleans up the rooms and toilets. Maybe a pet or two. Maybe a grandparent if you're lucky for human interaction but that too is brushed off these days in the face of mobile phones as the newest weapons spelling: 'Leave me alone. I am busy.'
My training is satisfying because at the end of it, it's not a lesson in what you could have gotten from a set of notes. It's about valuing partnerships, human relationships, respecting another's past experiences (despite not knowing or in many cases, after knowing another person), about planning and being prepared for unexpected outcomes (lessons I myself had learnt from my Girl Guides days).
Trainings aside, this whole cloud of 'submission' has been hovering over me - it's not a new lesson but one that must be executed time and again for it to completely submerge me in its wisdom or to make sense from a heart level. Sometimes we are so sure of our spiritual practice that we forget the very core is to keep practising as if you're learning from ground Zero. I'm blessed to have Nature in front of me and reminding me. But our own fears and doubts make us 'lose' faith in the Unseen yet Promising One. We are doubtful based on what others say to us. We allow their fears to umbrella over us. When these fears get too big for us to handle, we break down and go crying to the One who creates and sustains us.
It is well known that humans will disappoint one another but the Creator will never abandon Its Creations. This is His responsibility. When crime is committed on a person, the reality is that this is a temporary abode and all unfairness in this life will see its fairness in the next. Because of its transitionary quality, we must not get too attached to its offings.
The Creator loves its creations more than a mother could care for her child. We unfortunately don't get this because our doubts and fears get in the way. Let Go and Let God.
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