It's mom's b'day today - 22 October. I called her and spoke at length - and she called back, a lil while later. Mother and daughter conversations never end. It's literally a love-hate r'ship we have. There are periods of absolute in-sync bliss and then a horrifying period of 'pls stay away from me' that I'll always wonder how come they even exist, when there is such understanding already established. I've learnt to leave it to human nature - anything is possible. No matter how one develops a relationship, whether it's with one's partner, lover, mother, father, sister, brother, cousin, friend, confidante - no matter how much you work at and weed the garden, a combination of factors can and will jog the dynamics to leave you quizzed.
But whatever it is, we do patch up fairly quickly. Or so i'd like to think. To me the period of not talking to mom seems like eternity - cos I can't imagine if smthg were to happen to either of us in that span of time, it would be a horrible way to face reality that we ended on that sore note. Yet I also know stepping back is often a way to let the other person breathe and be.
Today the conversation flowed easily - she was telling me the numerous things that were happening there on their side of the world. She was getting depressed from watching the news on TV, smthg Pakistan does little to censor. I keep thinking of the older generation that has lived through a couple of major wars (WW2 and the East Pak-West Pak war), how hardened they must be to see more mayhem and chaos in their land. how painful it must be to witness suicide bombings like a daily affair. Mom and dad have had their fair share of horrific stories.
I shared with mom that she shouldn't watch the news all the time - it's depressing. How dad keeps himself active, and hence I feel his spirit is lighter, whereas mom sometimes gets too caught up in the intensity of what's going on, and lets it affect her. being woman, i guess she lets it affect her way too much emotionally. Dad and bro + sis in law are more on the mainstream path in that they have a public life and a personal life. Mom's life meanwhile is restricted (as I see it) to keeping house and maintaining peace in the home (SIGH~ what an enormous task!)
One of my intentions to get her to come here was to be away from all that responsibility. Although she wasn't that happy by the middle of her stay here, i cld see she had adapted to the 'holiday' mode and was enjoying catching up with her friends here and relaxing. Mom enjoys reading a lot - she sometimes reads till 2 am or whatever time she falls asleep at. There was once she was reading at 3am when i quietly came home after a late night out. Aha, probably just waiting for me to return safely. Such is the silent expression of a mother's love.
I had sms'd dad early this morning a) to remind him to wish her (haha) and b) to make sure she doesn't have to worry abt dinner tonite. Dad replied that he had already wished her at midnight ;) not bad! Actually dad usu is good with mom's dates.. i have to be fair. ;) Wonder what they did for dinner. Have a weird feeling that cos I'm not there, to insist on order-in or dine-out, it prob may not have happened. Hmm, will sms bro to find out.
Among the things i was sharing with mom were the new developments I plan to embark on - smthg mom has always been supportive in and shared my excitement in. Smthg I have to add is rare - cos when I share these anecdotes with my friends, almost none of them have the same "sharing r'ship" with their mothers and they wonder why i bother telling mom so much. Hmm... 'bother' never entered my vocab, but i'd say, i do it out of a bond - a connection to my heritage. After all if we can't connect to our own flesh and blood, what does connect mean then anyway? Ok so it must be rare - cos i share with dad too - completely different things of course. And dad responds in such different ways than mom.
But the chapter on dad shall be reserved for the much awaited book (get your ass cracking on it fudgeo!)
M'while here's wishing you the best of the year, mommy dearest and I pray that you receive love, peace, tranquility, patience and support in your life, everyday. InshaAllah. I send my love to you and hope you will forgive me for the small silly lil things I say that have caused you unnecessary hurt.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletevery sweet... I can almost imagine u on the phone with your mum while she's sitting in your garden... :) I miss pakistan at times... sigh...
ReplyDeletepost thoughts written in April 2012 after mom's demise:
ReplyDeleteWith mom having her first heart attack in 2011, all my priorities changed.
Mom changed too. And i noticed this. I became friends with her at her pace. She and I became closer. She was also close to my Sis in law.
During these 11 months mom and I shared a lot. She knew of my challenges and she prayed for me so much - I would see her in prayer a lot. So much that it touched me. My parents are really very selfless people. They did so much for us (the kids) that all our friends would literally stand back in envy!
At the time of her passing, school friends wrote to me remembering how carefully she'd pack my sandwiches and how much attention to detail she wld give like putting in sliced fruit or a side portion of homemade yoghurt. How I'd have extra to share with those who were too poor to bring anything.
Now mom is gone and I'm glad I had that special time at home with her and was not at office everyday away from her. I also feel she's nearby all the time. I don't feel depressed or sad. I know I have her blessings and prayers.